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I woke up on Wednesday mute. Not even a crack in my voice. Gone. The first thing that erupted in my mind was How in the hell am I going to yell at my kids? But then I remembered when I lost my voice as a teacher, I managed 30 some odd kids and they all listened and we didn't burn the building down so surely I could do it with three???
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So being mute for some reason has effected my ability to write. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm quiet and my mouth is directly connected to my brain? or fingers? Maybe all this peace and quiet has made me a normal, functional person and that leaves me with nothing to talk about. Maybe I'm so exhausted from having to listen to everyone all day since I can't tell them to shut up that I can't fathom the idea of interacting with more people even if it is just blogging or facebook?
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Finally on Friday after perfecting my scary whisper-yell, I thought I could manage a Target run. Yeah, I know it's some sort of masochistic sickness. But you know what, we had a wonderful trip. Really, it was like I rented some kids and was in a parallel universe where the moms don't yell and the kids don't throw stuff, scream, or fight. And I even threw another ball into the pit, because my big boy Martin is no longer in diapers. So I was willing to bet my second born child ;) that he would have pooped on the floor or at least peed on someone. Nope. We all managed our bodily fluids like all-stars! I'm guessing since I couldn't run my mouth very much, the kids paid attention, that and when I DID parted my lips the voice of Zuul from Ghostbusters came out. Scary.
Oh but we couldn't leave Target without at least one head tilting event. My children we being angels in the produce section and some nice old lady wanted to squeeze their cheeks, of course. Now usually, I step in and guide my kids through a polite conversation and you know try to steer the pinching fingers away from the frightening children. Well I couldn't this time. Allie got ahead of me and I couldn't shout, "HEY, get your cheesy smelling hands off my kid!!!" So I did the second best thing and smiled while I drove our basket to rescue Allie. The lady in the meantime is asking Allie a question that apparently she didn't feel like answering because she was too busy picking bananas for us. She asked a few more times and since I couldn't get Allie's attention without pssst-ing, clapping or slamming my hand against my leg (I save the dog calls for home use only) I just smiled. What else could I do? So get this, the lady, looks straight at me, with Allie now in arms reach and says, "Oh yeah, she probably doesn't speak English." gah....!!!!!!*eyes popping out, jaw dropping* It's amazing what people will tell you when you don't stop them.
I mustered up all the voice I had managed to save that day and wasted it on three very clear words (well in my Zuul voice). "YES SHE DOES!" Those three words have set me back two days. Still no voice.
I'm filing this moment with the "Are you the nanny?" one.
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You tell them baby!! We've got a special kind of English for comments like that!!!
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