Now I know

I remember a story my Dad told me a few years back. I think we were tossing around opinions on a heated subject, like we usually do, when he opened a little window to his past for me. He told me about the day JFK died. I wasn't born yet, and he was still young, so this whole event is such a mystery to me. Yeah, I've seen the movies and read about it in text books, but I just wasn't THERE. I'm not part of the generation that sat in front of the black and white TV or radio after dinner to listen intently to the president's words. I'm not from a generation that speaks about our world leader like he's a member of the family. I was not born in a time where "the people" trust or even have faith in our government. So when he told me that tears ran down my Grandmother's face as she watched the assassination of her beloved President, I was shocked and confused. Why would she be so upset about someone dying that she wasn't related to? No I'm not cold hearted. I understand that it was tragic and I too, would be very upset, but moved to tears? Now maybe that does sound cold, but you must understand the kind of person my Grandma is. Loving, strong, compassionate, ...yes, but easily moved to tears? No. So what was it that touched her so about this man? Again YES, I absolutely know about all of the wonderful ideas, brave stands, and life changing movements, but I never understood the moment, the feelings, or felt the tears. How can someone you've never even met evoke such emotion.
Now I know. Barack Obama is the JFK of my generation. He is crossing boundaries, breaking barriers and inspiring a generation that has been criticized for it's apathy. This man carries me. When he speaks I feel hope, when he shouts, I have chills. His ideals, vision and passion are exactly what I have in me. Now I know...

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

The birth of my son Martin James is an experience I truly enjoyed and will treasure for the rest of my life. On Friday March 16th we celebrated Martin's birthday by going to the midwives for my 40 week check up. The visit was pretty routine, but when Titi, the midwife, asked me how the baby was moving I mentioned that he wasn't moving as much the past week. I even had to drink some juice, lay down and count kicks a few times. Titi said it wasn't anything to worry about but that it could be a sign of stress on the baby so she was going to do a NST. I got all hooked up and about 30 min. later the movement was too slow so Martin, who had been herding Allie in the corner, went down to get me something to eat. Snack and more monitoring later, Titi decided to have me go ahead and get an ultrasound. By this time I was a little worried. So we dragged a very cranky 1.5 year old and an even crankier 29 year old to the ultrasound tech. The ultrasound showed that the baby was fine, but my fluid was a little low. I guess I thought that everything was fine so I sent Martin and Allie down to the car. I thought I'd just go see Titi, get the clear to go home and we'd be waiting a little longer for this guy to come. When I went back to the midwives office, Titi said she wanted to talk to me. She could see I was nervous so she calmed me down a bit and explained that they use a scale that monitors a few things to see if was a good time to jump start labor or not. With my blood pressure being a little high (not high, high just normal high), baby moving less, being 40 weeks and my fluid "almost" low she wanted to talk about induction. I was adamant about not using Pitocin and I wanted her to give me a chance to get labor going naturally. She told me that the baby could be stressed and since all signs pointed to GO she wanted to get things started. After about 30 more minutes of talking about it we compromised. I would go into the hospital and have a Stress Test done. If baby was ok, I could either go home and try to get labor going or take Cholmid to soften my cervix. However, if baby wasn't doing good, I'd get induced OR if labor didn't come on by Monday I'd be induced. So we were off to the hospital. Martin dropped me off, then took Allie home to my Dad and he came back up to the hospital. Meanwhile, I got the hospital and the staff was great. I was stressed a little but honestly I was so grateful to have Titi. I really felt like I was in control of the situation and part of the decision making. This is exactly why I wanted a midwife and I'm so glad I did. I had to wait a bit for Titi to get there and the nurses were already trying to hook me up to stuff that I didn't want, so I just asked them to wait. I did let them start me on the monitors, but no IV or anything. So I had to start stimulating contractions so we could see how the baby reacted to them. Me, not knowing how we were going to do this, asked. HA nipple stimulation BABY. Funny side story: I had this in my birth plan and DH wanted me to take it out because he thought it was freaky. I guess he thought a team of nurses were going to come in and pinch them for me. haha I guess I wouldn't have minded that if they were hot male nurses. Titi came in and checked the monitors and baby looked good. Now I just had to make the decision about induction. I could tell she really wanted me to check in and take the Chlomid and I really wanted to wait for it to happen naturally BUT I didn't want to take the Pitocin. Also on the table were Titi's son's performance that night and my dinner with my IL's that I didn't want to go to. So we compromised again. I would let Titi go home so she could go to her son's performance and she would let me check in later and get my Cervidil so that I didn't have to go to dinner with my ILs. Deal. Martin walks in and there is the nurse, Titi and me pinching my nipples. I would have paid to hear his thoughts when he walked into the room. About an hour or so later Titi checked me for the third time and baby looked good. So Martin and I were off to a late lunch for his birthday and later cake at the house with my parents. Around 6ish my parents took off with Allie and I finished packing a few thing and rested. Calm before the storm. It was really wild to know that the baby was coming and possible on DH's birthday. I starting listening to the Birthing Day track from Hypnobabies in hopes that this little guy would get things started with out the meds. No luck. Checked in the hospital at 9pm. Titi was a little late and I didn't get my Cervidil until 11ish. I also had to have a saline lock put in since there was a possibility that I could have a bad reaction to the Cervidil. I hate those things and the nurse ended up hitting a valve in my vein and had to do it again. URGH. Other than the saline lock things were running pretty smoothly. My biggest fear of feeling like I had no control, wasn't even an issue this time. I was hooked up on monitors, but with my hypnobabies there was no pain so I didn't mind laying down. I put on my Birthing Day track, took an ambien and got some rest. I woke up around 3am. Titi came to check me and I was about 3 cm and 80%. Good slow progress. I woke up again around 7 am. and I realized that I had to pee, but I couldn't get up so the nurse brought out the dreaded bed pan. How in the world was I going to pee with someone holding a pan under my butt!!!! Ten minutes later nature took over and I was so relieved. I felt awful that the nurse had to sit there that long waiting for me to pee. oops. Around 7am. Titi came in to break my water. We were hoping that this would help things progress. She also took out my Cervidil. From 7am till about 3pm. I labored on the ball, walked the halls, listened to my CDs and rocked in the chair. My contractions continued to get more intense and I would just use my Peace cue, breathe and relax with my hypnosis. In the meantime, Titi left and Jana came in to take over. My mom, and aunt came to visit. My MIL wanted to, I didn't want her to and feelings were hurt, words were exchanged. I didn't care. People came in and out, but I hardly noticed. Martin told me that people kept commenting on how I must be tired because I kept falling asleep. He had to explain to them I was using my hypnosis. I hadn't really told too many people about it for fear of looking like an idiot if I ended up screaming for meds. hee hee. I do remember at some point being sleepy from listening to the Relaxation track so while Martin went down for lunch I took a catnap and wouldn't you know it Jana walks in. I was supposed to be up trying to get contractions going stronger and I was caught. I promised I would get up as soon as Martin came back. Around 3pm we decided to walk again. I had a hard time judging how strong the contractions were because they didn't hurt, I just felt pressure. While I was walking Martin would time my contractions and they were about 3-4 min apart lasting less than a minute. I was stuck at 4 cm and 100%. We had all expected a fast deliver because Allie was, but this little guy was holding on. Jana came in about 3:30 checked me and we talked about my labor. She was concerned that things weren't moving fast enough and she knew I didn't want to use meds, but we had to do something before 7pm since my waters were broken. Baby or Pitocin. She suggested the tub and I said duh! I forgot about the tub. Martin drew me a nice hot bath and we started nipple stimulation again. My contractions were coming a lot faster and more intense. I would have to stop and really focus on my my hypnosis. I could definatly feel the pressure and it felt good to push just a little. I was in the tub for an hour and then Jana said she wanted to check the baby so we got out. As soon as I stood up things changed dramatically. I asked Jana about my little pushes and she said to moan and breathe through them. So I sat on the toilet for a little while and moaned through them. I think this scared Martin a little, because up until now I hadn't made noises. He ran for his scripts and he helped me back into my hypnosis. I made it to the bed, was dried off and hooked up. Baby was good. Progressed to 6 cm. SIX dang cm. I moved back onto my side and continued to moan it out. It was about 5:30pm. I kinda felt like I lost it here and at one point I even thought OH MY GOD I can't go any longer. The pressure was really intense and twice as I was breathing it out I could feel the baby move down. Martin was trying so hard to be strong, but I could see that he was scared. Later he told me that he wished I had just took the meds. I think I went like this for about 10 minutes then I finally told Jana that I just had to push. Then I saw people moving and demands being made, but not once did she panic (the nurses did with Allie and it scared me). She asked me to role over, she checked me and I was 10 cm. Ready to push. I pushed in between contractions and it felt sooooo good. I think I pushed 4 times and Martin James II was here at 5:53 pm. It took him awhile to scream but he was perfect. 7 pounds 0.8 oz and 21 1/4 inches long. I had to get a few stitches since he came out so fast, but I was up and about an hour or so later. Jana said that it was one of the faster births she had seen and that she only had time to get one glove on! I love Hypnobabies and I love my midwives they truly helped make this birth an wonderful one.

What is that????

So I think we have officially moved to a new stage in our lives. I think I'm going to call it the "What IS that ??" stage. You know the stage in your life where you're stepping in mysterious liquid, smelling unfounded scents, sitting in toxic goop and of course pulling back the covers of your budding scientist's bed and asking, "WHAT IS THAT???" Yup, I think I spent at least a minute asking this question today. Yeah I know rookie mistake. It was yellow-orange and sticky.
Cheese? No too sticky.
Ear wax? NO, too much.
So I smell it and decided it has to be food.
Banana? Too orange.
I go back to ear wax.
No, no way can a two year old have that much ear wax!!!
WHAT IS THAT????
....a minute later...
OOOOOH it's a piece of chewed up dried papaya.
Now why didn't I think of that earlier.