Rules for nap time

This is for my husband.
I know you're not home for most of our nap times and I know that you really just want to play with the kids when you are home but nap time is a very sacred time here in our home. Well nap time is MORE than sacred. How can I make you understand? Nap time is sanity, it's peace and quiet, it's like a grown up time out. Think of it as your relaxing drive to work with coffee every morning, your shit breaks, your 30 minute break in the morning, your one hour lunch break, your afternoon coffee and cookie pick-me-up and your forty-five minute alone time in the car on your way home ALL rolled into ONE nap time that usually lasts one and a half hours for me. Maybe, if the house is clean and dinner is prepared. Maybe. So, to help us preserve nap time when you are home, here are the rules. YES rules!

1. After you finish the nap time routine and toss the kids in bed. RUN!!! Shut the door as fast as you can and don't, I repeat DON'T look back.



2. Turn the AC on. This creates white noise that will muffle any cries from the children. It also lowers their body temperature and I'm hoping it has the same effect as it would on reptiles.



3. DO NOT make any noise. This includes the t.v., radio, ice machine, phone calls and flushing the toilet. Yes that means you just let it sit in the toilet for flushing at a later time.



4. Turn all ringers off! For some insane reason, everyone in the entire world wants to call when the kids are sleeping and unless they are offering to come over and watch the kids while I go out, their call isn't important.



5. Once the kids have been asleep for about twenty minutes you can choose an activity from the approved list below.

• Watch t.v. The volume can NOT go abovet ten bars.



• Computer time. Mouse clicks only the keyboard is too loud.



• You can go back and flush the toilet now.



• Read but nothing that will cause you to laugh out loud.



• And of course, for you I will make an exception.... any INSIDE chore that tickles your fancy. Mowing the lawn is still and big fat NO.

My sweet, dear, husband I hope this little note will help you understand all the 'shh's' and glares you've received over the past few weekends. Here's to many happy and peaceful nap times.